


a greater compliment

by kaci3PO



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 00:18:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8181419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaci3PO/pseuds/kaci3PO
Summary: The first time it happens is an accident. Who knew the Speed Force had an off switch?





	

**Author's Note:**

> "To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." - George MacDonald

The first time it happens is an accident. Cisco aims poorly and one of his sonic blasts goes rogue, hitting Barry square in the face and flinging him back through the air a good ten feet. The bright side is that Cisco's blasts aren't that powerful yet and it could've been a lot worse. The downside is that when Barry tries to pick himself back up, he can barely stand on his own two feet. This is how they discover that Cisco's powers can override Barry's. Who knew the Speed Force had an off switch?

The effect is temporary, thank God, but they only find that out after Cisco spends a good eight hours in a panicked frenzy begging Caitlin to fix it, to undo what his _stupid, fucking powers_ did, even going so far as to throw himself onto a gurney and plead with her to take his blood, his DNA, cut him open and steal his organs if that's what it takes to make Barry whole again. The last time Barry lost his powers was when Zoom paraded his broken, mangled body through the city and Cisco can't bear to be in such monstrous company.

But he heals. Slowly, his wonderful, miraculous body repairs whatever the blast had destroyed, and Barry has the gall to look at him with a slow grin on his face after and say, "How stoked are you to be our secret weapon?"

Cisco stares at him uncomprehendingly. How can that be his reaction? Cisco's had eight hours to think about what he just did and the last thing on his mind is how to weaponize it. He's far more concerned with making sure it never happens again.

At a complete loss for words, Cisco does the only thing he _can_ do: he turns and walks straight out of the lab and heads home. Barry could follow him, of course — could beat him home if he wanted to — but he must've understood that Cisco doesn't want to talk because Cisco crashes into bed alone and unassailed.

He finds Barry asleep on the couch the next morning, tucked under a throw blanket that's way too short to cover those long legs of his properly. Something aches in Cisco's chest and he sets himself to making coffee, returning to find his sleep-tousled boyfriend rubbing his eyes blearily as the smell of the coffee tugs him awake. He takes the cup from Cisco's hands eagerly and shifts just enough to let Cisco sit down before relaxing back down, his head now resting in Cisco's lap. Cisco plays with his hair idly and sips his drink, letting the familiar comfort of coffee and Barry soothe his fragile nerves.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Barry asks. He sets his cup down on the coffee table and pets at Cisco's knee, lightly running his fingers across the bare skin. Any other day, Cisco might shiver at the touch; today he feels untouchable, like when Barry comes home covered in sweat and won't let Cisco kiss him until he's had a wash. No matter how many times Cisco has told him that he doesn't mind the sweat, that's not the point: Barry _does_ , and Cisco respects the boundary.

He feels like that now, like _he's_ unclean, only he hasn't told Barry and Barry doesn't know to stop. He doesn't know where to _begin_ , honestly; how do you tell a fellow metahuman that your powers sometimes make you want to crawl out of your own skin?

"I don't want to be your weapon," Cisco says quietly. "I'm not— I don't want to have the ability to hurt you."

Barry sits up, turning sideways on the couch so he can see Cisco's face. He's still close, but they're not touching anymore and Cisco is infinitely grateful.

"Is that what this is about?"

"I still remember the look on your face when you found out about the cold gun, Barry. How scared you were. How _angry_. I never want you to look at me like that again. Especially not now, after everything."

"So don't betray me," Barry says lightly. Cisco understands he's just trying for levity. Hell, Cisco is the undisputed king of using humor as a coping mechanism. Somehow, this one just isn't funny.

"I could probably kill you," Cisco says harshly. "I could strip your powers right out of you and shatter every bone in your body. You heard Reverb that day. I can _destroy_ you, Barry. Do you know how it feels to have that kind of power over somebody you love?"

He's not expecting it when Barry snaps back, "Of course I do."

"How could you possibly—"

Barry's hand starts to vibrate.

Cisco flinches back on instinct, stopping only when he collides with the arm of the couch. His breath comes out in short, panted breaths while Barry just sits there calmly watching him. Cisco feels his entire body shaking.

Barry's hand comes to a halt as he lowers it back down to his lap. Cisco simultaneously wants to hold it and run at the same time.

"When we first started dating, I'd have nightmares every time I slept over. I'd see myself power mad, like when Bivolo whammied me, or pumped full of V-9 like Zoom. I'd see myself become him, and I'd watch myself put my hand through your chest." He laughs, a hollow sort of sound. "I was out of it when he killed Reverb but I'd _still_ see it in my dreams, only I was him, and it was you instead."

"Barry—"

"But then I'd wake up. I'd look over and see you there, curled up like the little spoon. Did you know that showing your back to someone is one of the most vulnerable positions there is? You can't see an attack coming from behind, so you either have to really trust someone, or feel like you can defend yourself from whatever they try. Seeing you like that helped. You wouldn't let me be the big spoon if you were afraid of me."

"Of course I'm not afraid of you," Cisco says, though he doesn't meet Barry's eyes. He hadn't really been _afraid_ of Barry's hand exactly, because in truth he wasn't seeing _Barry's_ hand. Thawne or Zoom, take your pick, because he'd felt both of them reach their hands into his chest. Reverb hadn't been exaggerating their connection; Cisco had _felt_ his death like an echo of his own.

"I know," Barry says, eyes full of understanding. "That's the _point_. You think I don't understand how it feels to have power over you, but I do. I could rip your heart out of your chest and show it to you before you could even blink, and until just now you've never even flinched in my presence. You trust me, and it makes me want to be the best version of myself so that I never give you any reason to stop."

"Of _course_ I trust you."

"Then don't you see why I trust _you_?"

"But you _shouldn't_."

"And neither should you."

Cisco stares at Barry's hands and swallows. Fair enough.

***

The second time is not an accident, but it's no less terrifying. Caitlin has them each hooked up to half a dozen monitors, everything from temperature to the structure of their DNA, and Barry's braced by plenty of crash padding so that he won't be injured by the blast. They've taken so many precautions that even Caitlin thinks it's safe, but how can deliberately hurting the man he loves ever be safe? And what if this time, the damage is permanent?

"I never thought I'd say this," Cisco mutters, pressing himself against Barry's side and burying his face in Barry's chest, "but I wish Reverb was here. He knew so much more about this than I do."

"Only because he'd practiced more, which is what you're doing right now."

"Yeah, but he wasn't using his boyfriend as the target. Actually, he probably wouldn't have cared even if he did."

"But you do," Barry reminds him. "And that's exactly why I trust you to do this."

Cisco goes up on his tip toes, kissing Barry softly as he squeezes both of Barry's hands in his. It's more for his sake than for Barry's; he's the one shaking like a leaf and feeling like he needs to be sick.

Barry's smiling when he steps back, his face softened into something usually reserved for moments far more intimate than this. "I trust you," he repeats, and then breaks the moment by sing-songing, "Hit me with your best shot."

It forces a laugh out of Cisco from seemingly nowhere, and while it doesn't change the fact that this is the absolute last thing he wants to be doing, it does relax some of the tension out of his chest.

Barry braces himself against the crash pads and makes a 'come hither' gesture with one hand. It's almost enough to make him throw the blast at Barry out of anger; Barry should be wary of him at the very least. Cisco is _dangerous_ , Barry shouldn't—

"Cisco, please," he says. "You can do this. For me?"

There's virtually nothing on this or any other Earth that Cisco wouldn't do for Barry. He would've walked into Captain Cold's shot with a smile on his face if he'd been the one being threatened instead of his brother. He would've faced Zoom's wrath after he fired the tranq gun if it meant getting him to turn his attention away from Barry before he broke him beyond what his body could repair. And he—

He would even do this. Anything, if it's what Barry needs.

He hears Barry hit the padding before he's even aware of the wave radiating out from his hand and he immediately drops it, rushing towards his boyfriend and begging him to be okay.

The effect doesn't last as long this time, owing to how weak the wave Cisco had managed to send had turned out, but it's enough to get Caitlin the data she needs.

"You must be learning how to control your strength," she says, idly flipping through screens on her tablet, taking in the numbers. "You didn't even make him pass out this time."

Cisco meets Barry's eyes guiltily but finds only heat there; Barry's eyes have darkened and when he licks his lips Cisco realizes where he knows that look from. Except— _now_?

"Barry, if you feel okay, you can head home for the night," Caitlin says. "Actually, you too, Cisco. Look out for him and call me if anything seems off."

"Sounds good," Barry says, and steps into Cisco's personal space, hesitating long enough to give Cisco a chance to deny the lift home. When Cisco tightens his arms around Barry's neck, Barry takes it as acquiescence and flashes them back to the apartment.

They come to a stop in their living room, still holding onto each other tightly. If there were music they might be slow dancing, given how closely they're holding each other, but there's not. He lowers his arms from Barry's neck and turns to step away, but as he spins his thigh brushes against Barry.

And that's— well. That's certainly nothing Cisco hasn't felt before, and certainly nothing he doesn't encourage under usual circumstances, but it seems out of place right now, mere minutes after Barry's been through a round of testing that involved getting the Speed Force knocked out of him, however temporarily.

He stops and turns back to Barry, an eyebrow raised. He does his best not to look judgemental; he doesn't want Barry to think it's something to be embarrassed about or to regret; Cisco's general opinion on the subject is that as long as they're alone together, there's not a single part of Barry's body that he's not comfortable with. It's just that the timing is all off — nothing about what just happened was sexy, so why is Barry reacting like it was?

"He _llo_ ," he murmurs. "Wasn't expecting that." He fists his hands lightly in Barry's shirt and uses the grip to keep Barry close when he starts to pull away. "Hey, no— are you okay?"

Barry flushes. "I— sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Don't be sorry," Cisco says. He switches to a more lighthearted tone to make sure Barry knows that Cisco is only surprised, not offended. "Never apologize for your dick, babe. It's a great dick and it's done nothing wrong."

Barry snorts and leans down, burying his face against Cisco's shoulder, his arms wrapping comfortably around Cisco's waist. It's nice and Cisco would happily stay like that if he wasn't so confused about what prompted any of this in the first place.

"You want to tell me what I did to earn that kind of reaction?" he asks.

He blinks and he's pinned to the wall, firmly but not roughly, and Barry's pressing his lips against the side of Cisco's neck. Not a bad way to spend an evening by any means, but not the answer he was looking for either.

"Bar."

Barry huffs out a sharp breath but keeps his mouth against Cisco's skin. "I like...trusting you," he mumbles in answer.

Cisco takes Barry's face in his hands and moves him so they can meet each other's eyes. This is the kind of conversation they need eye contact for.

"You what?"

"Trusting you," Barry says, embarrassed. "You turning off my speed is— it's kind of hot."

"What? No it isn't. It's— it's scary and dangerous and— "

"Not to me," Barry cuts in. "Not when it's _you_."

It feels like a ton of bricks has suddenly dropped on his head. He just _stares_ at Barry, completely dumbfounded. What is he supposed to say to that? Does Barry have a death wish?

" _Why?_ " Is what comes out instead, which is a good enough place to start as any.

"I— I read once that a lot of high-powered businessmen visit dominatrixes." A quiet chant of _what the fuck_ begins to thrum in the back of Cisco's mind. "Someone did a study about it and found that most of them said they went because after spending their workdays stressed over the responsibility of being constantly in charge, it was a relief to go somewhere they weren't in charge at all. They sexualized giving up control because they had to spend so much of their lives doing the opposite."

The chant of _what the fuck_ grows a little louder as Cisco asks, "Are you— Barry, I'm really not into whips and leather...it's fine if you are, but that's going to have to stay a fantasy."

Barry laughs and kisses him, brief and chaste, before shaking his head. "No, not— that was an example. The only leather I'm into is my suit, and so are you so there's no point in denying it."

Cisco snorts but puts up no argument because _well, yeah_ , it's Barry wearing something Cisco made, Barry elevating one of Cisco's inventions out of the realm of "toy" and into "universe-altering." Of _course_ he's into it.

"It's just...after everything," Barry says. "Thawne and Jay and even— even my _dad_ splitting first chance he got, I'm so _tired_ of being betrayed. Being suspicious isn't _me_ , that's not who I was before the lightning. But now I feel like I can't trust _any_ body. So being able to trust you to _turn off my powers_ , it's— _fuck_."

Cisco shivers. Barry's still pressed tight against him and he's so _hard_ , even through the conversation. Shouldn't it have abated some by now?

"Is this— so this is a kink for you, then?"

"Yeah," Barry admits softly. "I think it is."

Cisco drifts in indecision; indulging this doesn't really require any action from him that he wouldn't be doing already. He _wants_ Barry to be able to trust him, so he acts in trustworthy ways. If that happens to make Barry's dick hard, it's not like Cisco doesn't enjoy the process of taking care of it.

On the other hand, it feels like a dangerous precedent. If he does this, wouldn't he be giving positive reinforcement to the frankly dangerous idea that Barry should trust him so _completely_ , when Cisco's powers are tailor-made to _ruin_ him?

Barry looks so eager and hopeful that Cisco's decision gets made for him. There's an innocence there, some impossible microscopic shred of it that Cisco can't quite believe Barry's managed to hold onto. His entire body yearns to protect it, to give Barry a space to feel safe.

"Okay," he says. "So how are we going to take care of this?" He palms Barry through his pants to make sure he understands the question.

"I've got a few ideas," Barry says softly, and Cisco is glad, because he doesn't have any.

***

The third time is the result of pure panic. Barry had been fighting a meta whose hair was made of poisonous barbs — which had been kind of funny when Cisco was still trying to come up with a Medusa pun to name her with. It had continued being funny until one of her barbs hit Barry square in the chest and she actually succeeded in poisoning him.

Their first thought was that Barry's metabolism could handle it, but it couldn't. The poison somehow managed to keep one step ahead of his body, infecting a new part while the last one was still healing. If they didn't do something, the cycle would've just gone on forever, leaving Barry in constant pain and halfway to the grave. Naturally, Caitlin concocted an antidote for the poison only for Barry's body to actually _succeed_ in metabolizing _that_ too fast, before it could do its work. Nothing they tried was working because what they really needed was for Barry's body to _slow down_.

Barry was seizing on the gurney, body convulsing and horrible foam spilling from his mouth. Cisco knew Caitlin was there, calling out orders as her hands flew from monitor to syringe to pump at Barry's chest, but everything in the room besides Barry had gone sort of fuzzy as his mind narrowed down to the man he loved fighting for his life.

He wanted to ask permission; he'd come to associate this use of his powers with Barry's obsession with trust, and doing it then, even to save his life, without his say-so felt horribly wrong. He didn't have a choice, though. He's couldn't stand there watching his boyfriend die. Barry deserved better than to be taken down by some Clash of the Titans reject.

So he shakes himself out of it.

"Caitlin," he says. "Stand back."

"Cisco, hand me that vial," she replies, not even acknowledging what he said. He gets that, this is a medical emergency and that's her territory, but if he doesn't do this, nothing she tries has even a _chance_ to work.

"Get back," he says more firmly. "I have to shut his system down."

Without even pausing, she grabs the vial herself and begins to fill a syringe with it, casting him an annoyed look for his apparent lack of helpfulness.

"Caitlin," he tries again, "I have to turn off his Speed Force. His metabolism is just going to keep destroying your antidote if I don't."

She finally stops what she's doing and looks at him in surprise. "Right! Sorry. It's still so new, I almost forgot—"

She steps back, giving him a clear shot at the bed. At Barry. His hand is shaking when he raises it but she says nothing, more focused on her monitors than on what Cisco is doing. With Barry in this condition, he doesn't want to hurt him with a proper blast, so he puts his hands directly on Barry instead, focusing all his thoughts on finding the Speed Force within Barry's body and deducing its exact frequency. He's running off guesswork; there's no time to calculate or seek advice, not if he's going to save Barry's life.

He gentles the blast as much as he can, but Barry's body still gives a lurch on the bed that makes Cisco feel sick. The seizing stops and Caitlin hurries to pump him full of more antidote.

Cisco sleeps in the lab that night, right there on the gurney with Barry. If Barry weren't so stick thin they both wouldn't fit, but Cisco refused to be separated from him until Caitlin finally gave up and allowed it. It was hardly the first time Barry hadn't immediately woken up after an injury, but Cisco remembers nine long months of talking to a Barry who couldn't talk back and the idea of that happening again now, of it happening to a Barry who's become _his_ Barry, is unfathomable.

Barry finally wakes in the afternoon, disoriented and groaning with pain. Cisco beats Caitlin back to his bedside, holding his hand silently while she administers medication through his IV. He doesn't speak at all, in fact, throughout her entire examination, and it's only once she's pronounced Barry fit that Cisco finally talks.

"Do you feel ready to go home? Caitlin said you should rest, and our bed is comfier than the gurney. Not that I won't stay with you if you want to stay here, but home is better."

"Totally," Barry sighs. "Call us an Uber?"

He must be feeling terrible if he's asking for a car, which somehow makes this worse. How's he supposed to tell Barry what he did when Barry is clearly suffering?

They're home and in bed before he works up the nerve to have the conversation. Barry's lying on his chest, arm curled loosely over Cisco's stomach while Cisco runs his fingers through Barry's hair. It's that trust thing again — Barry lying there more or less helpless, eyes closed and trusting Cisco not to do anything. And of course he isn't _going_ to, but the truth is that he _did_.

"Hey, Bar?"

"Hmm?" Barry doesn't open his eyes, just nudges his head into Cisco's hand to remind him of his task.

"I took your powers away. When you were out of it, I mean. I'm sorry I couldn't ask, I just— I didn't know what to do and it seemed like the only way to save you."

Barry cracks one eye open and looks up at him in confusion before prompting, "Uh-huh?"

"I—" Cisco frowns. "I'm really sorry." He says it slowly because Barry's just laying there, still snuggled up like Cisco's the best pillow he's ever had. He didn't even _flinch_.

"Sorry?" Barry mumbles. His eyes are closed again and he tightens his grip on Cisco's stomach, squeezing him gently and pressing his face more firmly against Cisco's shirt. "What for?"

"I— I didn't ask for your permission," Cisco explains. "You trusted me and I took them without asking and—"

Barry shrugs. "You did what you had to do."

"But—"

Barry opens his eyes again and leans up enough to look Cisco in the eye. "First of all, life and death scenarios come with their own set of rules, dude. Consider this conversation as blanket permission to do whatever's necessary in the future to keep me alive. Secondly, you couldn't exactly ask for permission due to the whole me dying thing. Thirdly," he pauses. "Cisco, I— look, we live together. You're my emergency contact at work. You're— I know we're not married or anything but I take this relationship seriously. You're my… there's really no non-morbid way to say this, but if the worst ever happens, you're the person I want acting as my next of kin. Making decisions for me when I can't make them. You _know_ me. You _love_ me. And I trust you so, so _much_ . You don't need to be sorry, okay? You were doing _exactly_ what I want you to do."

Cisco swallows. "You're my emergency contact too," he says quietly.

"Good. Thank you."

"Do you— do you really want me to be the one deciding that kind of stuff? Not your dad? Or Joe? Or Iris?"

"I love them," Barry says. "And if you honestly can't do it, then listen to what they have to say. They're all smart people who care about me. But you're my _partner_ , Cisco. And— and yeah. You're the one I want making those decisions. I _trust_ you. Okay?"

"Oh."

"Does that freak you out?"

"No," Cisco says quickly. Then, "Well, yes, actually. I'm not sure I'd trust me to make those decisions about _myself_ , much less _you_. But— seriously, we're okay?"

Barry snuggles back up against him and pets idly at his stomach, clenching his fingers lightly into the material of Cisco's shirt. "Of course we are," he says. "The only way we wouldn't be is if you don't relax and let me go to sleep. Boyfriend pillows aren't supposed to be so tense."

Cisco snorts and cards his fingers through Barry's hair, relaxing marginally as Barry smiles and closes his eyes.

***

Cisco stretches out languidly over Barry, dipping his head down to kiss his jaw before nudging at him until he tilts his head to one side to let Cisco move his lips to Barry's neck. Barry's hands clench at his sides before he goes slack, practically melting into the sheets. Cisco had known he would, had done it for that very purpose, but it still amazes him every time that it actually works.

In the months since Barry admitted he had, for lack of a better phrase, a "trust kink," Cisco has learned dozens of ways to make Barry go to that place, that strange state of perfect trust where he knows with complete and utter clarity that he is safe. Six months ago he hadn't even known such a place even existed; these days he's made it his life's mission to put Barry there as often as possible, to be the Dominatrix to Barry's high-powered CEO by giving him a refuge from the realities of being the Flash.

He honestly hadn't expected to enjoy it the first few times they had tried this. He'd been scared of screwing it up, of somehow violating that tiny shred of Barry's innocence that had survived the lightning strike and everything that came after. Only when he realized how much Barry _needed_ a place of perfect trust had Cisco sworn to himself to do everything within his power to give it to him.

Cisco moves a hand between them, sliding down Barry's stomach to curl his fingers around Barry's cock. Barry gasps softly but stays still, just like Cisco had hoped he would.

Cisco presses one last kiss to his neck before leaning back, sitting back on his haunches to watch Barry's chest rise and fall. He always looks so peaceful like this; Cisco's pretty sure that if everything else in his life were stripped away, he could live in these moments and not miss a bit of it.

"What do you want, Barry?" he asks. He runs a hand over Barry's thigh, dipping between to press his thumb against Barry's perineum. Barry's fingers clench against the sheets but he doesn't otherwise move as a soft moan falls from his lips.

He's always hot, but, _yes_ , Cisco can admit it now: if Barry has a kink for being able to trust, Cisco has a matching one for being trusted. Barry told him once that knowing that Cisco trusted him despite his speed made him want to be the best version of himself he could be.

Watching Barry like this over the last few months, he's finally understood what Barry meant. Seeing Barry like this makes warmth bloom in his chest that has nothing to do with sex; it's a different feeling entirely, one of pride and responsibility. It actually reminds him of the first time his abuela let him use the stove by himself, how it made him feel so important, but also a sense of obligation. If his abuela was going to put her trust in him, then he had to do well to prove to her that her faith was not misplaced. It's astonishing how much this reminds him of how he'd felt back then.

"Turn them off," Barry whispers. He's staring up at the ceiling with eyes wide open.

Cisco hesitates, almost sure he heard Barry incorrectly. "Turn what off?"

"My powers. Turn them off."

Cisco just stares at him. That— that's not how this _works_ . Barry gets turned on by trusting Cisco to turn off his powers and that's fine, they've worked through it. But until now, whenever Cisco's had to shut them down for whatever reason it's not until later, once they've come back, that Barry seeks him out, already hard and oh so needy. And yeah, sure, maybe Barry is a little more laid back during sex now, a little more willing to have Cisco take the lead, but that's different. He's got his powers back by then. If something went wrong, he could use them to put things right. To turn them off _during_ , that's—

" _Why?_ "

"I— I thought we talked about this?"

"No," Cisco says slowly. "We talked about you finding it hot that you could trust me to turn them off, so then we'd have sex later. We never said anything about me— about during— that's the kind of thing you need a _safeword_ for, Barry."

Barry sits up, his face completely devoid of that place of perfect trust now. Cisco is glad, because wherever that place is, Barry's good judgement sometimes doesn't exist there. He'd much rather have a conversation this serious with a Barry who is using his full reserves of common sense.

"A safeword?" Barry asks. "That's— why? That's what people use when they tie each other up and stuff, isn't it? We both said we weren't into that."

"Well, yes," Cisco answers. "We're not. But— Barry the entire _point_ of tying someone up is the power exchange of it. Me disconnecting you from the Speed Force might be a little more _literal_ example of 'power exchange' but it's still the same concept. You can't ask me to—"

"I _am_ asking you to," Barry says firmly. "I— I want to be with you like it would've been if we'd met before the explosion. Without the speed making everything—" He waves a hand to indicate the side effects they've learned to work around. "I want to have sex with you like a _normal_ person. Just once, just to see— just to have a normal man's biology for once."

"Are you— are you ashamed of your—"

"No!" Barry says quickly. "No, not— not exactly. I mean, the quick recovery time is _awesome_ ." Cisco can't help but laugh because _hell yeah it is_. "But— I don't know, call it a novelty. Just once I'd like to see what it's like. We don't have to do the— the thing. You don't have to take the lead while they're off."

Cisco sighs and scrubs a hand over his face before speaking. "Alright, but if— if we're doing this, you still need a safeword. I can't give them back to you once I've done the disconnect, you'll have to wait for your body to heal like it always does, but I _can_ give you space and privacy if you need it."

"That's fair," Barry says. "How about 'momentum?'"

"If that's what you want to use," Cisco answers softly. "It's yours, so it's up to you."

"Okay," Barry says, "then I like 'momentum.'"

"Get back against the pillows," Cisco says. "I don't want you flying into a wall and getting hurt when I blast you." Barry gives him a nervous smile and settles back, his lithe body naked and defenseless against what Cisco's about to do. "If you need to use your safeword, use it," Cisco cautions. "No judgement, no awkwardness. You promise?"

"I promise," Barry says. "I'll use it if I need to."

Cisco sighs and reaches out, placing one hand on Barry's thigh. Barry's body vibrates softly under his touch and he lets the waves guide him, following the frequency until he finds the source of Barry's powers. He hates that it's only gotten easier over time to take them down, but there's something to be said for the fact that he's the only person ever to touch this part of Barry, the only one Barry would ever _allow_.

"You sure?" he asks.

"I'm sure," Barry confirms.

Cisco flicks the smallest blast he can at the center of Barry's powers and hears an _oof_ as Barry is pushed back against the pillows. When he looks up, Barry is watching him with hunger in his eyes. Which...okay, even Cisco can admit that it may have been worth it if Barry's going to keep staring at him like _that_.

"You okay?" Cisco asks around the lump in his throat. "I didn't hurt you?"

Barry shakes his head. "I'm good. Just—"

He crawls forward, covering Cisco with that tall body of his until Cisco has to move onto his back to accommodate. He leans down and nips at Cisco's jaw before kissing him, soft and tentative before he pulls back and grins.

"What?" Cisco asks.

"Nothing. Just—" He ducks his head, almost like he's embarrassed, then laughs again before meeting Cisco's eyes. "I can't wait to fuck you and for it to actually _last_ for awhile."

Cisco swallows and reaches up, wrapping his arms around Barry's neck. "Yeah? That's what you want?"

"Yeah. 'S okay?"

"Yeah," Cisco murmurs. "Yeah, Barry, that is _so_ okay."

Barry gets his knee between Cisco's thighs, his cock only just starting to harden against Cisco's hip. That's new — he's never had to wait for Barry to get an erection before. Until now he's been able to do it practically on command. He wants to roll his eyes at himself, for noticing such little things and finding them amazing, but it's almost a fantasy come to life. It's like seeing into a universe where they're just two random men who met and fell in love instead of two metahumans who find themselves in life-and-death situations on an almost daily basis, and Cisco can't deny that he's on board with pretending, at least for a little while.

Barry kisses him, hands on either side of Cisco's face and bodies pressed so close together there might as well be nothing at all between them. Cisco has always liked being held that close by Barry, liked the way it feels like Barry couldn't bear to have even the tiniest molecule of air keeping them apart. He grips Barry's arms now, holding him just as close, and hitches his knees up around Barry's waist.

He doesn't notice it until Barry's finally inside him, but somewhere around the third time Barry thrusts into him hard enough that he slides an inch or two up the bed, he realizes that this is not how Barry usually fucks him. He's not being _rough_ exactly, just less _inhibited_ , like he doesn't have to pull his metaphorical punches this time.

When Barry stops kissing him long enough to lick the column of Cisco's throat, Cisco asks, "You have to hold back because of your powers, don't you?"

"Yeah," Barry pants, and snaps his hips into Cisco's, driving him a little further up the bed.

Cisco reaches down, gets his hands on Barry's ass and pulls him in, holds him there bottomed out while Cisco tries to catch his breath. Barry brushes the hair out of Cisco's eyes and kisses him gently on the corner of his mouth; it's absurd and Cisco wants to laugh but he finds it caught in his throat.

"You okay?" Barry asks. "I didn't mean to be rough, I'm sorry."

"You're fine," Cisco assures him. "I'm just not used to not taking breaks when you—"

"When you come too quickly," is the rest of that sentence, but he doesn't finish it out loud. They both know what he means, and there's really no point to actually saying it. He doesn't mean it harshly anyway, it's just that he's gotten used to the rhythms that come with Barry's unique biology. Although he would never tell Barry, it had been frustrating at first, feeling like things were just starting to get good only to have to pause while they waited for Barry's admittedly small, but still very real, refractory period to be over. But now that he's had time to get used to it, he's come to love the pauses. It gives them a chance to check in with each other or at least make terrible attempts at dirty talk. He actually kind of loves it.

"Oh," Barry says. He shifts his weight onto his knees and moves up into a kneeling position so that he's no longer hovering over Cisco. His eyes flicker down to where their bodies are joined and asks, "Did I hurt you?"

"No! Cisco says quickly. "No, Barry, you totally didn't, _I'm_ the one who needs to be worried about hurting _you_. You're powerless right now, remember?"

Barry rolls his eyes and withdraws slowly, watching Cisco's face as he pushes back in agonizingly slow and unbelievably perfect. Cisco arches his back and presses down against Barry, who grips his hips with both hands and pulls Cisco bodily down onto his cock.

"Does this feel like I'm powerless?" Barry asks, and Cisco wants to say, " _Yes, actually, you'd have come twice by now if you weren't_ ," but his mouth is occupied with a long, low moan that resolves itself into the word, "Please," so naturally that settles that argument.

His body rolls to the beat Barry sets, the staccato sound of their bodies meeting filling the room and drowning out all other noise. For the first time in their entire relationship, Cisco comes first, his body tense as he clings to Barry and begs, "Don't stop, don't stop, _fuck_ , please don't stop."

And Barry doesn't, burying himself over and over inside Cisco, kissing him to swallow the sounds of Cisco's moans. Cisco holds him close, fingernails digging into Barry's back as Barry spreads his thighs somehow impossibly wider and thrusts so deep inside him it's a wonder that Cisco isn't choking on him.

Barry's body trembles as the wave of his orgasm finally breaks, spilling himself into Cisco even as his hips continue with their stuttering thrusts, as if he can't be content until he's sure he's wrung every last ounce of pleasure out of both of them. Cisco has never felt this fucked-out in his entire life and it's all he can do to just lie there, holding Barry close and clenching tight around Barry's cock, already feeling Barry's come leaking out of him.

He pulls Barry close to him, kissing him hard and not caring that he's out of breath. It's not enough, it could never be; he wants to live in this moment of narrowness, this moment where only the two of them and their connected bodies exist.

"Was that what you wanted?" Cisco asks, and Barry seems to be beyond words because all he can do is nod and deepen their next kiss.

***

Barry fidgets a lot. It's understandable, all that pent up Speed Force energy inside him, and if he hasn't gone for a run in awhile it can start to get to him. Cisco's learned to mostly ignore it, or at least how to tell the difference between "too much Speed Force" fidgeting and "I'm feeling nervous or uncomfortable and need to talk about it" fidgeting. He's grown used to ignoring the former, since Barry doesn't like having attention drawn to it, but tonight's fidgeting feels like the latter. If possible, Barry's somehow fidgeting _at_ Cisco, or at least in his general direction.

He's pretty sure Barry doesn't know he's doing it, like the way someone will say they don't want to talk about it but deep down they actually want you to offer to listen, but Cisco has spent _years_ watching Barry, trying not to let it show how helplessly besotted he was. _Is_ , really, and always will be, but thankfully he doesn't have to hide it anymore. Either way, he knows Barry's body and its language well enough to know that something's wrong.

He turns off the TV, tossing the remote onto the coffee table and turning sideways on the couch so that he can face Barry instead of the screen. Barry meets his eyes and looks down, taking careful breaths even as he shifts uneasily in his seat. Cisco takes one of Barry's hands in his, just holding it so that he knows Cisco is there, and that he supports him. Then he waits.

Barry lets out another deep breath and says, "I think you were right. I want something that we need a safe word for." He bites his lip. "And I think…" He hesitates. "I want you to do the thing. While my powers are off. I want you to take the lead and be— be dominant."

Cisco swallows. "Barry—"

"I did the research after last time. Later, when I wasn't riding on hormones, I looked it up, and you were right about this being a power exchange. But then I kept reading and there were all these other things, things that regular humans do that's not all whips and chains but still, an exchange of power, and I… you don't have to do it if you're not comfortable or don't want to. I would never pressure you to do something you didn't want. But I kept reading these things and seeing pictures and all I could think was how it'd feel, to let you turn my powers off and then put me even more at your mercy...to know I could trust you like that. For you to know that you could be trusted. It's something I want. Something I think would be good for us. _Both_ of us."

He stops, and Cisco continues to stare at him, fully aware that his mouth has fallen open slightly. Is his boyfriend really asking him to—

"Please say something," Barry says quietly. "Even if it's, 'that sounds terrible and is actually a huge turn off for me so no I don't want to do it,' that would be fine. Just...the silence is so much worse."

Cisco swallows again. "What— what would you want me to do? After I'd turned your powers off, I mean?"

Barry squeezes Cisco's hand like a reflex, gripping it tight as he takes another slow breath. "I don't— I don't know, exactly. I thought we could talk about it? Plan it together?"

"I— I wouldn't even know how to start, Barry. I've never…"

"Me either," Barry says quickly. He laughs softly. "I don't think there's anyone else I ever _would_ do this with."

Cisco gives him a small smile and says, "Okay. Let's— let's start slow, yeah? Take it step by step. How about we can suggest anything we want, but no judgement or resentment if the other says no."

"Of course not," Barry agrees. "And no pressure to say yes just to make the other happy. I like our sex life as it is now, and I think you do too." Cisco nods his agreement. "So anything we're talking about now, that's...that's extra. So saying no is absolutely an option."

"Okay. Um. Do you want to go first? Since you did the research?"

"Okay," Barry says. "I don't want to roleplay or anything, that's— that defeats the point. It's about us trusting each other. We have to stay 'us,' or there's no point. I don't like the idea of getting tied up, either, just because that...well, that actually happens to us with alarming regularity so it's kind of hard to think of it as sexy."

"I...yeah, I agree with that. But that doesn't tell me what you _want_ , Bar, it just tells me what you _don't_."

"I know," Barry says quietly. "But it said— the internet, I mean, it said that I had to tell you what I don't like, too. My limits, or something? So I figured I could start there and kind of work towards what I _do_ want."

"Oh," Cisco says. "Yeah, sorry. Okay. No pretending to be anyone else and no giving either of us flashbacks to our weekly hostage situations. Makes sense."

"And nothing public. Or outside of sex at all. This isn't going to be the way we act all the time, is it? If we— if we have a _scene_ , then we leave it there. We can talk about it after; we _should_ talk about it after, actually, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to order me around all the time or for me to start letting you make all the decisions. I like deciding things together, the two of us."

"Of course," Cisco says, squeezing Barry's hand with his. "Barry, I would _never_ —"

"I know." Barry smiles. "That's why I want to do this with you. But I still have to say it."

"Okay. We share one oversized pair of pants in this relationship, got it."

Barry snorts. "Yeah, something like that. I— I like toys. I mean, I like the idea of you using them on me. Is that… would that be something you'd be into? It's okay if you're not, you get limits, too."

An image of Barry flashes into his mind, face down on the bed with his back arched and his ass stuck up in the air, presented for Cisco as he angles a vibrator inside Barry, rubbing it against his prostate while Barry cries out against the sheets.

"Yes," he gasps. "That's— we can do that."

A flush rises in Barry's cheeks and Cisco sees him shiver. He makes a mental note about Barry's visible reaction.

"Your turn," Barry prompts.

The image in Cisco's mind sharpens, new details coming into view. The Barry in his mind's eye is whimpering as he drags the head of his cock along the sheets below him and Cisco catches a glimpse of what has to be a cock ring around the base, keeping him hard but unable to come no matter how good Cisco is making him feel. And that's...okay, yeah. He's into that.

"I want to keep you from coming," Cisco says, surprising himself with how sure he is that he wants it. "I want— it's sort of the opposite of usual, isn't it? If you only get to come once, and you have to last until I say so?"

Barry swallows. "Yes. It—" His eyes are dark and he looks like he's about to jump Cisco right there. " _Fuck_ , I want you to give you _control_ —"

"And I want— I want to talk to you," Cisco says. "Dirty, I mean. I don't want to call you names or anything, I just— can I talk about it? About how good it feels to see you there, trusting me and letting me do this stuff to you?"

" _Yes,_ " Barry hisses, his eyes falling shut as he shifts closer to Cisco on the couch. "And I want—" His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows and Cisco wants so very badly to lick it. "I want you to use your powers on me. Send a wave of vibrations at my cock, or inside me, stuff like that. Remind me that you have your powers and I don't. Show me you're using them to make me feel good."

Cisco is so hard in his jeans that it's taking everything in him not to fuck Barry right here, right now on this couch. His fingers itch to touch and Barry looks like he's in no better state.

"We— can we put this on hold for a while?" Cisco asks, licking his lips. "Like twenty minutes?"

"Thirty," challenges Barry.

Cisco raises an eyebrow and offers, "Forty-five."

Barry moans softly and nods. "Yeah. Fuck, yeah we can make lists later, just— _fuck_ —"

They do never make it back to the lists that night, nor for the next few weeks. Crises come up, worlds need saved, and yes, every time they try a repeat performance of their first attempt to talk about it, they end up having sex, albeit the regular sort, in the heat of the moment. Finally they just write each other a letter and head to separate rooms to read.

There's nothing on Barry's 'want' list that Cisco finds objectionable, but he's careful to memorize the list of limits. He doesn't have any interest in most of them so it's unlikely he'd bring them up anyway, but he'd rather have them committed to memory just to be sure. The only other thing that really stands out is that he wrote he wanted to switch from using 'momentum' as his safe word to using 'yellow' to mean 'slow down' or 'something's not working' and 'red' to mean 'stop,' which Cisco also takes the time to memorize.

When he's finished, he gives Barry another ten minutes before joining him on the couch, just to be sure that Barry's had a chance to finish his list, too. Barry's smile is almost shy when he meets Cisco's eyes. "Do you— is my list alright? Do you have any questions?"

"Your list is perfect," Cisco whispers, pressing a kiss into Barry's cheek. "My only question is when do you want to do this?"

"This weekend," Barry answers promptly, and Cisco smiles at the frustration in his voice. Waiting for the weekend must seem so far away. "I need a few days to call in favors with Hartley and Laurel, ask them to look out for the City while I'm…incapacitated. I'll probably be off for longer this time won't I?"

Cisco snorts. "That's one way to put it. And maybe. I don't know. Probably."

"It's just in case. I'd rather have them here and not need them than need them and not have them."

"It's fine," Cisco promises. "We can wait a few days. It'll give me time to practice, anyway."

"Practice?"

Cisco taps Barry's list, pointing at the part where Barry listed phrases he found sexy and things he didn't want said during the scene. Cisco has already memorized the 'don't' part, but some — okay, most — of the things Barry wrote that he wanted to have said to him, or names he wanted to be called, didn't roll off of Cisco's tongue naturally. It wasn't that he couldn't dirty talk — he could and sometimes did when the mood struck. But he'd never said _these_ things, never whispered into Barry's ear about how strong he, Cisco, was, never told him how he could fuck Barry into oblivion and then shatter him into pieces without even exerting himself, but won't, would never even in a thousand universes. Barry wants to feel powerless, to feel the weight of trusting Cisco as much as he does. He wants to be told just how many ways Cisco _could_ betray him but _never_ will. Cisco tries not to think of those things at all most days, but if that's what Barry wants, Cisco sees no harm in giving it to him, at least in the bedroom.

"Oh," Barry says, blushing at the reminder of the things he'd written. "You don't have to hit them all, or anything. It's just a list of...suggestions, I guess."

"I know. I just want to make sure that when I say them, we both believe me."

Barry smiles and shifts closer, leaning against Cisco's shoulder but making no move towards anything else. Cisco sets down the list and puts an arm around him, leaning on Barry just as much.

"Are you nervous?" Barry asks. "I don't want you to be."

"Are you?"

Barry considers this before he answers, which Cisco appreciates. An immediate 'no' might seem like a reflex, a lie.

"A little," Barry admits. "I just don't want to push you too far."

Cisco laughs. "That's— actually exactly why _I'm_ nervous."

"You've got my list," Barry says.

"And you've got mine," Cisco replies, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"I trust you."

And for what is probably the first time since he started remembering his own death, Cisco thinks, _I trust me, too_.

**Author's Note:**

> -"Vibe's sonic waves have the power to disrupt the Speed Force, making him one of the few characters who poses a serious threat to the Flash." ("Trinity War, Part Two" Justice League of America 6)  
> -I started writing this before season two ended. It's been a very unproductive hiatus.


End file.
